A Baby Ban....Are You Serious?
Recently a restaurant in Atlanta posted this disclaimer at the bottom of their menu:
Dear all present and future patrons: GCP is proud of its reputation as a family restaurant, a title that we will work to keep. Unfortunately a number of our diners have posted unpleasant experiences because of crying and unsupervised children. To ensure that all diners have an enjoyable lunch or dinner with us we respectfully ask that parents tend to their crying tots outside.
Aside from the grammatical errors, this is not an unreasonable request. It’s common sense, common courtesy. The fact that they have to “announce” it kind of gets me, but I wouldn’t consider this a baby ban.
A restaurant in Monroeville, PA took it a step further and announced last summer that it will not allow children under the age of 6 - at all. There are restaurants in my area where I wouldn’t consider taking my 9 year old, but those establishments haven’t told me I can’t. By announcing to families that we don’t want your money, your loyalty, your patronage because you have a child under the age of 6 is very risky, particularly in the age of social media where good/bad news spreads like wildfire.
This being said, let’s state the obvious:
1. Are there parents out there who could use a Super Nanny? YES
2. Are there children that misbehave? YES
Anyone who has ever taken a child into a restaurant knows it’s a gamble. Although prepared, parents can’t predict what an 18 month old in a high chair for an extended period will do. However, parents arm themselves with distractions and hope to enjoy a semi- peaceful meal with friends/family. It’s a social experience that everyone has the right to engage in.
The ONE basic common denominator all human beings share with one another is simple: we all started out as babies.
We all cried.
We all whined.
We all were annoying.
We all were aggravating.
But the good news is this: We grow up. Even though we still cry, whine, annoy, and aggravate others, we learn when and when not to do this. We develop social skills, pick up on social cues, and hopefully, learn to respect others along the way.
It’s always best to remember this: everyone has a story. A moment in time at a restaurant for a parent and a crying child is just that: a moment in time. Judging someone based on a sliver of time is unfair. This should be said for children as well as adults. Unfortunately, we are all guilty of jumping to conclusions without having all of the information.
So the next time you see a parent with a whiny child at the grocery store or perhaps a belligerent adult at the hardware store, keep in mind they have a story, a life you know nothing about. Then, take a deep breath, smile and give them the benefit of the doubt.
Jennifer Bilbro is the Founder of OutToEatWithKids.com, an online resource and mobile application designed to help families search for economical & healthy children’s meals. Visit OutToEatWithKids.com for more information or submit your restaurant info to jennifer@outtoeatwithkids.com
Karen
4:08 pm on Monday, April 9, 2012
The fact that they have to announce this says a lot about parents today!! It may be just a moment in time for you and your child, but for others it is another disrupted meal. It makes me wonder what parents are thinking when they are sitting there and their child is screaming. Do they care how disturbing it is? Are they embarrassed? I am a Mom, but my child was removed before he was disruptive.
Steven
11:17 am on Wednesday, April 11, 2012
Jennifer, I believe Karen has pointed out a flaw in your logic. Yes, everyone did start out as children and should, therefore, afford some level of empathy to children and their parents. But not everyone has chosen to have children.
If I make the decision to go to a restaurant that promotes itself as being child friendly, or if I attend a kid's birthday party, then I accept the "gamble" that I may encounter some disruptive kids. Even the occasional grocery store or hardware store incident is forgiveable. But why should I be forced to ante up just because some parents have chosen to gamble on everyone else's serenity at an otherwise quiet restaurant?
What if I've had a really bad, chaotic day with lots of noise and aggravation? What if I go to a restaurant specifically for its quiet atmosphere so that I can chat quietly with my partner? If everyone has a story, why is my story less important simply because I've chosen not to have children?
As for potential negative publicity against restaurants with no-children policies, I'd argue that there are plenty enough people -- with and without children -- who are just as eager to support them.
As this is my first comment, although I have been lurking for a couple weeks, I want to make clear that I do enjoy your writing and find you to be a generally reasonable person -- albeit understandably biased towards kids and parents. I hope my comment will merely be received as a differing perspective to consider.
Carolyn Farr Smith
11:53 am on Wednesday, April 11, 2012
Steven,
That is the beauty of Patch! We would like all of our readers to participate in the conversation, regardless if they have children or not! Each of us has our own opinions and that makes the conversation on Patch very interesting! We hope you will continue to read Jennifer's column and check out other items of interest on your favorite Patch site.
Mark Winter
2:37 pm on Wednesday, April 11, 2012
I have to agree with the two previous posts here. If a crying child was, as you put it, "a moment in time", that would be one thing. But when a child is screaming, crying, banging his head into the back of the booth at the restaurant so hard that I can feel and hear it, and the parent just sits there and ignores the bad behavior, that's what I have a problem with. Not necessarily with the children but with the parents that don't have any consideration for others in the restaurant.
Jennifer Bilbro
4:08 pm on Wednesday, April 11, 2012
Thanks for all of your responses. You are right - it is certainly the parents' responsibility to deal with an upset child, including removing them from the situation. In my experience, most parents take this responsibility seriously. I fear that a few "bad apple" parents have begun ruining the dining experience for the responsible parents. I would personally prefer that restaurants deal directly with the irresponsible parents instead of banning children all together. I tend to be beyond forgiving in most situations because I've been there - I'll share a personal experience in a future blog. As Carolyn stated above, it's what I love about Patch - having conversations and learning from others. Thanks for reading and responding! :)
Joanne Hafter
3:37 pm on Thursday, April 12, 2012
In my experience, most parents DON'T remove the disturbing child. In fact, this same behavior is a constant point of agravation in all retail outlets. I have worked in some and to hear screaming children, crying children, children repeating "daddy" constantly for over 45 minutes (no exageration) makes me want to do violence to the parents. However, I would be fired (but applauded by others). Todays' parents take little responsibility for their children and think it is humerous that these monsters, upon leaving the establishment, require many hours to return the department/store to acceptable appearance. Your angels, if not taught to behave responsibly and acceptably, are monsters to the rest of us.
Sandy
8:31 pm on Wednesday, April 11, 2012
Not sure I like the ban on children at restaurants idea but I have seen plenty in my past 15 years as a server. There are so many well behaved children and great parents out there. They made serving them a joy. There are also many parents who feel they don't need to pay attention to their children's behavior, whether they are throwing food on the floor, running through the dining room, pounding their silverware, screaming, you name it I have seen it all. I do not feel it is up to the server or restaurant to deal with the behavior, it is up to the parents. I think that is the whole bottom line in our society, we need to pay more attention to our children when they are young, Show them the difference between right and wrong now before they get to the age when you ask yourself, "Why is my child so bad?". Discipline takes work, some parents are willing to do and some just choose not to, just my two cents.
Mark Winter
9:25 am on Thursday, April 12, 2012
Well said, Sandy.
Ronda Ellison
11:16 am on Monday, April 16, 2012
Sandy, I like your comments. Please allow me to add my thoughts. I somehow feel the need to respond to this subject given that I teach etiquette lessons to youth. I don't see this as a 'baby-ban' issue. It's simply an age-old complaint against any sort of loud disturbance while dining-out. What about loud-talking diners on a cell phone? Or simply loud talking diners, period! This one really makes me crazy. We have choices! If choosing to dine somewhere other than at home, prepare for noise. Because we live in a civilized society, a certain amount of tolerance for public apathy toward the comfort of others is a must. This is a parenting issue. I agree with you that parents, not servers, management, nor other nosey diners, are the responsible ones. My classes are full of children whose parents really want their children to become considerate, kind and civilized members of society. These are the parents who quickly remove disruptive children as they consider others. Until every parent takes responsibility for their child's behavior (don't hold your breath), we might 'choose' to dine-in. www.upstateschoolofetiquette.com
Ron Anderson
1:55 pm on Friday, April 13, 2012
Definitely a matter of perspective, before I had kids the slightest noise from a child I thought was rude. After having kids I realize it's quite different than it seems.
Children running through the restaurant is one thing, but you might want to consider that a child acting up at a dinner table and being ignored by the parent, might actually be good parenting, and not giving into the child's demand for attention.
If parents are taking small children into an intimate quiet restaurant, then I don't think they would care about this 'ban' or respect it anyways. So it seems only people who care a little about other's peace and quiet are discussing this topic anyways.
Jennifer Bilbro
2:38 am on Monday, April 16, 2012
Thanks for the feedback Ron.....certainly a point to consider! I'm enjoying hearing the perspectives of everyone.
Just submitted a new blog...can't wait for y'all to read this one! Thanks!
Kelly England McElwain
11:15 am on Monday, April 16, 2012
What's wrong with a restaurant manager politely asking parents to take a crying or misbehaving child outside, rather than making a blanket policy banning ALL children? While parents should (yes, should, because we all know that not all parents DO) take a crying kid outside - or home - saying that all kids are banned is sort of like saying that all kids will be annoying. I think this type of ban says more about where we are as a society - rather than thinking about others, many people feel they are entitled to whatever they want. In my parents' day, small children were expected to sit through a meal without disrupting it - or they were sent away from the table. And guess what? Kids SAT THROUGH MEALS. Nowadays, many parents seem to think that their kids have the right to be as noisy as they want, as rowdy as they want, and that parents should be able to inflict this behavior on a restaurant full of people simply because the parents want a meal out.
I am a mom; I have young children. My husband and I have taught our kids how to sit quietly in a restaurant, and we've removed our kids from restaurants and other venues when they weren't behaving appropriately. Different restaurants require different behaviors, to be sure. Parents need to know their kids and know their limits - and be willing to leave if they need to do so. But store employees, restaurant staff, whoever, need to be able to ask parents to leave if kids are disrupting others.